About

What lives here is a series of notes, observations, and perspectives from a 25-year-old who found a life without meaning increasingly unbearable.

I didn’t like who I was, I regretted the choices I’d made in the past, which was just a way of blaming myself for how I felt in the present; a fruitless effort I can assure you. We’re all well aware that we can’t change the past, and would we even if we could? In most cases the choice itself never really mattered, it was an offshoot of who we were at the time, which can be painful to look back on from the perspective of who we are now, in whatever shape its aftermath took.

This is not a system, or a set of answers. It’s the result of paying attention: to the world, to other people, to ideas from psychology and philosophy, to ourselves, and to what happens when you take seriously the possibility that life might be more than what you met when you were born.

Much of this writing is about noticing how little we are encouraged to be ourselves, or to find who that might be. You had no say in the world that you were born into, you weren’t there. Now you have to navigate it by becoming something that can. And if you’re anything like me, that can mean feeling lost, confused, empty, anxious, and that you don’t know the person you wake up as every morning, because it isn’t really you.

Nothing here is presented as fact. This isn’t psychological advice or therapy, and it isn’t a claim to objective truth. It’s notes from a life in attempt to break free. And ultimately, it poses a question: When you strip away the world, the things you were taught to be, to think, to follow, when you remove everything that isn’t you… what remains true?

If any of it is useful to you, you’re welcome to take it.
If not, you’re free to leave it behind.